When I get the call to blog, I usually have something very urgent to share. Today is not an exception. For those waiting for my more technical blogs, they’re coming (thanks for being so patient), but now more pressing matters are being brought to my psyche and this is where my passion and purpose lies.
*** WARNING – WHAT YOU READ NEXT MAY DISTURB YOU ***
Late this afternoon I had my three weekly psychology session. The psychologist I go to is very holistic and amazing earthy woman who practices a few techniques which have helped me in huge ways in the last 6 months. She is very focussed on mind/body relations which has been awesome to say the least.
After an hour session where I was working on why I had recurrent bouts of mild (but annoying) asthma we were talking about how as women we need to find our new skin and rise within our feminine energy to heal the earth and humanity. We had explored a few reasons as to why these bouts of asthma had arisen at different times of my life and why they may be arising now. I had put together a few connections and it all made sense. Then we started talking about the witch hunt days…. She started describing the witch-hunt days and how they dunked these “witches” in the river and if they sunk they weren’t evil and if they floated they were, so they burnt them at the stake. The ignorance and depravity of an intensely patriarchal and God fearing society. I casually said to her that I must have been drowned because I have a morbid fear of drowning and not being able to breathe. And just as she started to describe HOW they did it, within her first few words, a wave of panic washed over me and I started to shake and cry uncontrollably.
The Intense bit…
I had immediately found myself immersed in a scene which was the end of one of my lives staring at the water about to be drowned – looking at a man who was condemning me and pleading, “but I didn’t do anything wrong – I was only trying to help” over and over again.
The feeling was completely disbelief and powerlessness.
As I was processing this scene (with the help of EMDR), I completely and utterly felt the emotion of complete sadness and horror at how my life was ending. As I was drowning and moving out of my body, anger and rage washed over me. I kept hearing – “I am limitless, I WILL NOT BE SILENCED” all the while feeling rage toward the injustice of humanity and how insane this all was. Why was I was persecuted for being connected to the earth, for using her bounty to heal and to help other women?
In this life, I’ve always been different to the rest and have scared to talk my truth in certain circles hence the consequences. I’ve been drawn to natural medicine, earth magic and ritual. But inside bubbled a deep deep rage at the injustice and nonsense that we see in this world everyday. But I said and did nothing because I knew deep inside that acting from anger would never get me anywhere. I was right.
The crying and rage kept going for quite a while… Then as it subsided I sat quietly – stunned at what I just experienced – and I spoke quietly to my psychologist:
“I know why I never spoke up before… because I wasn’t ready to speak. Anger only creates more anger, no matter what side you’re on. If I speak out with love rather than anger, I can help connect more people. I now know my purpose”.
Even from when I was young, I never understood why girls were so mean to each other. I just never got it. Even when I tried to be a bitch, it just never sat with me… I felt horrible afterward and wanted to make it all better. I never felt justified standing in the competition with each other. I always felt that we should be a sisterhood and help and love each other. This has always been such a deep knowing to me.
After this stunning afternoon, my purpose has become clear. It was so close to me that I didn’t recognise it as anything special. And if you are reading this, my sister or brother, you are probably on the same path as me.
I WILL NOT BE SILENCED. My truth will ring clear from the pages of my blog, Instagram and Facebook and from my very own mouth into the circles of my family, friends and wider community.
I need to empower (mostly) women to speak their truth, show their authenticity without the fear of being persecuted. This is deeper than just the power words of “time to rise” and “shine your light”. We must, but it must come from a place of truth and knowledge of the self rather than following a fad. And it is also being in the feminine of inner power rather than the masculine of having power “over”.
And I now I truly understand and realise why I’m so passionate about helping you share your vision. It really isn’t passion about web design itself – it is working and connecting with amazing, powerful and inspiring women & men and giving them a platform to shine on. And lets face it – to be visible nowadays is being online and having 17 years of experience in this field, I am certainly qualified to serve you. For those who have worked with me I’m sure you have felt my enthusiasm and support for your journey – I truly feel it. This is why I can only work with people who I believe in and know that they are serving the greater humanity.
Creating online alchemy with you is the first step in this purpose… I don’t know where the next step is, but I trust that now I know my path, it will unfold as I follow it.
Thank you for reading this and I really hope this resonates with you – beautiful sisters & brothers.