WARNING – Personal Creative Block Story impending..
I am an immensely creative person and now that I’m listening to Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, I realise that ideas and inspiration come and visit me constantly. So much so it leaves me trying to materialise all that inspires me, sometimes without feeling satisfied that I’ve done enough or it sometimes overwhelms me too much that I just do nothing. That is, until recently….
Wow – what a predicament Karla (eyeroll!!) – you have inspiration at your fingertips but you see this as a problem? you say. But seriously I hadn’t realised what was happening until early this year. You know that feeling when you feel that there is something bubbling under your skin or churning deep within you. The feeling of creative energy that is bursting to get out, but you have no idea what it is, what you would like to create or how you would like to create it. Do you always feel unfulfilled, even when I had been constantly creating? I did. Why is that do you think? I was being creative. My house is full of pretty things that I have created in the last 10 years, but yet up until the beginning of the year I was clutching at any chance to create something because I didn’t feel as if it was enough. But I’m pretty sure I understand why now.
Elizabeth Gilbert put it like this:
“I believe that our planet is inhabited not only by animals and plants and bacteria and viruses, but also by ideas. Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form. They are completely separate from us, but capable of interacting with us—albeit strangely. Ideas have no material body, but they do have consciousness, and they most certainly have will. Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be made manifest. And the only way an idea can be made manifest in our world is through collaboration with a human partner. It is only through a human’s efforts that an idea can be escorted out of the ether and into the realm of the actual.”
And I believe that ideas have come to visit me constantly since I was a young child. I was immensely creative and made things constantly. It is only after I left school and became an adult I put my fearful limitations on it all. “I’m not good enough to be an artist”, “So many people are better than me”, “What if I can’t do it?” – I would say. I even got so close to going to Graphic Design College but chickened out at the last minute (how a comment by a Year 12 Art Teacher can make a difference!!). How different my life would have been. But no regrets – I was taken on another path to learn to resist my fears and express my creativity. I found myself on a spiritual journey from my early 20’s, became a full time singer in a band and gees did I have a ride up until now!
About 10 years ago again – I recently came home from India, found myself (again!), did my yoga teachers training and was intent on becoming an artist again. I painted, created and meditated – and I felt amazing. But still those seeds of doubt stayed strong in my neural pathways and I found my motivation slowly starting to wane (I was too embarrassed to call myself an artist so I stopped doing anything at all). But those feelings of needing to create stayed strong – I ignored them, and my body retaliated (it had done so once before after I dismissed Art School but I never related it).
Personal but relevant:
Soon after I dropped the ball again, I had a miscarriage, we tried and tried to have kids and then two years later I had an ectopic pregnancy and nearly died. Soon after that we did IVF and were successful and had two amazing girls, but my creativity was still trapped in my sacral chakra. My lower stomach retaliated and I had pains and vomitting for no apparent reason for about a year while my first was young. I also contracted viral meningitis via entero virus, and then my lower back became so weak I have pain intermittantly to this day. EVERYTHING that has gone wrong with me has been around my Sacral Chakra.. FREAKY and a bit woo woo? No not really. The Sacral Chakra is the energy centre of creativity (amongst other things) and obviously it was out of whack – badly. It wasn’t until I started getting anxiety and depression again that I knew that enough was enough. All my chakras were out of line and I needed to create and ground. It was around then my sister took me to a Soulpreneur Session in Brisbane. I went there anxious and came home feeling very very calm. At the sessions Rebecca Campbell took us through a beautiful heart centered meditation. During that meditation my heart expanded open and I knew I found my home again.
WHO. I. WAS.
Since then I have been meditating regularly and the creative jewels the universe has buried within me have definitely been coming to light. I had been drawing a lot before then to calm my anxiety, so someone around me has been clearly guiding me in the right direction.
Bite Sized Creativity
So since then I have been doing the AMAZING Soulprenur course (by Earth HQ) and have been meditating, and focusing on my limiting beliefs about my creativity. And I have cleared a lot of shit about it – A LOT. It’s definitely the meditation, but also it’s probably since turning 40 I might not care so much about what people think because I’m well aware that time is ticking and I don’t have time to care what people think of me anymore! Creativity is flowing and inspired ideas are coming in thick and fast. My only issue now is TIME. Since having a family (I’m a full time Mamma and partner in our family business), I now have the inspiration and belief but TIME is now scarce. I think a lot of my Sacral Chakra issues had been amplified since having my first child – the comparison to my “previous life” was immense and I wasn’t used to it. Now I had no TIME!! Why didn’t I create all this stuff when I had the TIME??? Does anyone understand this one? The ones looking after me in the ether realms must have the patience of angels seeing me going around in circles ;).
My solution to expressing my creativity now is that I find something I can do that is “bite sized”. I started drawing mandalas and zentangles as a meditation and calming exercise and it was also achievable at night time to finish one. Now, it’s evolved into something way beyond myself. I’m putting out to the universe that I now accept this as my mission in this lifetime. I have opened up the channels and I’m being thrown inspiration by the bucket load. But each idea is small, doable and manageable. It provides a quick satisfaction and then I can move on.
Moral of the Story
I could go on and on and on and on today about Creativity and its blocks but I won’t – but I DO want to leave you with a quick pointed list summary:
- If you’re a teenager or young adult: Be True to yourself and don’t listen to what your fear says or anybody else for that matter. Time goes quickly and life is for enjoyment. You don’t want to regret your decisions or stay in a dead end job for 8 years and realise after a nervous breakdown that you never want to go back.
- If you’re middle aged (like me) or older: It’s not too late!!! Do it!
- Don’t ignore those yearnings deep within you. You MUST create. Not for money, not for fame, but for your own personal satisfaction.
- If you have issues in the Sacral Chakra – you’re probably a very creative person (everyone is creative but some are more right brained than others and your soul calling may be to be a “creative”). Don’t ignore it. Embrace it and listen to your body.
- If you’re busy and you say you have no time, find something small to do to achieve over a day or even a week. I’ve done it and so can you. I believe in YOU.
Here’s another Elizabeth Gilbert quote from Big Magic to send you on your way:
“So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”
“if I am not actively creating something, then I am probably actively destroying something”
Hmmmm…. words to live by don’t you think?
Big Love and Light